Venus retrograde

This morning I feel sad. Woke up from a disturbing dream. I felt left out , while everyone else around me was getting involved with family, evenings out, a busy life. I was angry in my dream because it was easier to experience that emotion rather than anger.

I know Venus is in retrograde, my friend told me so yesterday. Apparently it means that these are threacherous times when it comes to romantic entanglements. There are two more weeks of it to come. So the advice is, stay away from lust fuelled beginnings of new relationships and also beware of the tendency to idolize past lovers. Tick, tick.

I feel confused. A lot going on and yet it's all a bit messy. I know the solution is to just hang in there and let things pan out the way they will. I guess my naive self just wanted instant solutions, big explosions in the sky, a new mind blowing beginning. But this is the child speaking inside of me. I guess the adult knows better.

Today I want to close the door on being there just for others. Today I want to be alone with myself and play lots of music. I want to play drums, I want to play with my new synth, I want to play guitar. I want to let this melancholic feeling be washed away by music.

I guess I will explore the fear through this medium, the fear of being left behind, and stay with the reality of the unknown. I need to explore a crossroads soon. The time has really come for that. No more letting the unconscious rule unchecked. It is time to find out what I really want and seek that vision, any way I can. 

Oh, and by the way, I was just finishing writing this and get this in my mailbox about Pele Astrology report, it seems rather fitting :

We’re all diving down into the underworld of our unfelt feelings these next couple weeks. Let it up and let it out and don’t make it too real. This period can best be described as “weird” so don’t get too “weirded out”! I suggest it is all about “enlarging your space”….. we all need to give ourselves a bit more room to move, feel, react, and release….. take some time to yourself, for yourself and let others have their space, too…. Self knowledge sometimes costs but is well worth the price in the end. Enjoy……

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